What is Your Biggest Fear?

A few weeks ago, I was getting in the shower, and I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. I pulled the shower curtain back to reveal a wolf spider the size of an Oreo cookie. I don't necessarily fear spiders, but I would be lying if I said that I didn't let out a screech when I got a better look at its long, hairy legs. In a scenario like this, I would usually recruit my husband for support, but he was at work and wasn't expected to be home for a few more hours. I only had one option: take care of business. So, I did.

That brings me back to my original question: What is your biggest fear?

Spiders? Public speaking? Heights? Flying? Those fears are among the most common. Studies suggest that some people fear public speaking more than death.

Inspired by the spider in my shower, I opened a presentation at an international conference with the question: What is the number one fear in the world?

I already gave you the answer: public speaking.

I continued to share that I don't fear public speaking. What I do fear is the overall well-being of people in the United States. According to the 2025 World Happiness Report, the United States ranked 24th out of 147 countries in overall life evaluation, its lowest ranking yet. People in the United States are also lonely. So lonely, in fact, that the U.S. Surgeon General declared loneliness an epidemic in 2023.

What concerns me most as a college professor is what is happening among young adults. Since 2019, the 2024 World Happiness Report found that life satisfaction among 15- to 24-year-olds has declined across the United States, Canada, Western Europe, parts of the Middle East, and South Asia. And if that isn't doom and gloom enough, a survey of approximately 1,100 U.S. college and university students found that nearly two-thirds (64.7%) reported feeling lonely.

College campuses are filled with some of the unhappiest and loneliest people.

My presentation focused on a model and a proposed pedagogy to support student well-being in the classroom, but I won't bore you with that today.

Instead, I bring this topic up to reiterate that the overall well-being of people in the United States is scary. It's one of my biggest fears.

We could spend hours discussing the many reasons people are unhappy and lonely, but today I want to focus on one potential contributor that has been in the spotlight over the last few weeks: overoptimization.

I chose this topic because we spend our time together exploring how to become the best versions of ourselves. The challenge is that when self-improvement becomes the goal, it's easy to cross the line from pursuing growth to chasing "peak performance."

A few months ago, I explored this idea with Jerry Moyer, a former professional soccer player, college soccer coach, author, and performance expert. You can check out the episode and article here. During our conversation, we discussed the difference between optimal and peak performance and why constantly striving for the latter may have unintended consequences.

The topic is making headlines because Steven Bartlett, host of the Diary of a CEO podcast, went viral in June 2026 after telling an audience that three glasses of wine had "ruined three days" of his life. He explained that while he didn't get drunk, the alcohol created a negative domino effect that impacted his sleep, eating habits, workouts, and performance at work.

In response, celebrity Greg James argued that "overoptimization culture is killing fun."

Is it? Could our Oura Ring data, Apple Watch trends, and hyperfixation on protein intake actually be harming our overall well-being? Is it more important to get eight hours of sleep or to stay out an extra hour laughing and socializing with friends?

That's the debate amongst self-help enthusiasts.

I don't have the answer, but I can speak from experience.

As a recovering peak-performance enthusiast, a previous version of myself would have been devastated if I overconsumed alcohol, underslept, overate, or missed a workout. Admittedly, I was the unhappiest and loneliest version of myself when I was overoptimizing, even though my Apple Watch may have suggested I was in peak physical condition.

Alongside my conversation with Jerry a few months ago and years of self-reflection, I came to realize that self-improvement and optimization should go hand in hand with giving ourselves grace.

One of my favorite quotes from James Clear, Author of Atomic Habits, is:

"Missing once is an accident. Missing twice is the start of a new habit."

So sure, maybe you skipped a workout on vacation so you could spend more time with your family. Or maybe you had one too many cocktails with your best friends. I am guilty of both. That doesn't necessarily mean you're failing to become the best version of yourself. I would argue that it might mean you are becoming the best version of yourself. You're learning how to optimize while still making room for joy, connection, and a life you're excited to wake up for every day. That's sustainable. And I think that's pretty cool.

So I started by sharing that, although I didn't enjoy seeing the giant spider in my shower, spiders aren't my biggest fear. Neither is public speaking, flying, or heights. One of my biggest fears, though, is the overall well-being of people, and selfishly, my #1 biggest fear is not living a fulfilling life myself.

So my current philosophy is to strive for optimal performance while having a little fun, too. For me, that makes my biggest fear less scary.

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Find one thing that brings you joy today.