Who Are You Jealous Of?

Can you think of that one person who has everything you want?

Who are you jealous of?

This is the avatar for the person I’m jealous of.

Let’s call her… Violet.

Violet is a New York Times bestselling author. By the age of 35, she had enough financial independence to pay off her student loans and make a generous philanthropic donation to her alma mater. She has enough disposable income to live comfortably, invest in her future, and invest in herself. She has a collection of Prada bags, schedules a monthly massage, and travels often. Her home overlooks the mountains, something she appreciates every day during her gratitude and yoga practice. She spends her free time doing what she loves: consuming through reading and creating through writing. She balances a fulfilling career with an abundant social life full of love and genuine connection. She is known for being authentic, kind, thoughtful, and giving.

So… why am I jealous of Violet? From this description, she seems to be, well, lovely.

The common misconception is that jealousy is a form of hatred. Maybe that’s because we’re taught from a young age that jealousy is “bad.” I remember being told, “It’s not nice to be jealous,” or, growing up Catholic, that jealousy was a sin. Maybe you had a similar experience.

But what if jealousy isn’t hatred at all?

On the Jay Shetty Podcast, Mel Robbins argues that jealousy isn’t hated, it's desire. She explains that 'when it starts to bubble up and consume you, it can feel overwhelming. It often shows up as constant comparison, thinking things like, “They have a podcast,” “They’ve been at this longer,” “Look at their followers,” or “Of course they live in a bigger city with more opportunities.” It can spiral quickly. But here’s the powerful part: you cannot be jealous of someone or something that you don’t truly desire. For example, you’re not jealous of someone with an incredible apartment in New York City if you don’t actually want to live there; it’s simply not meant for you.'

Jealousy, then, is not something negative, it’s a clue. It’s a directional signal. A dot on the map of your life pointing you toward what you truly want.

I am not jealous of Violet because I hate her. I am jealous of Violet because, in many ways, I desire to be her.

So I’ll ask again, who are you jealous of?

And now, based on the “avatar” of that person… what do you actually desire?

Can you redirect that jealousy into motivation, inspiration, and most importantly, action?

Next time that familiar feeling starts to bubble up, what if you paused and thought, Hmm… interesting. What is it about this that I desire?

This has become a next-level self-awareness tool for me. I created my “Violet” avatar in the notes app on my phone by pulling from real people I’ve admittedly felt very jealous of. Now, every time that feeling pops up, I add something new to her profile. Violet, and all the real people she’s inspired by went from being my competition to my direction.

This is your call to action: take a few minutes and create your jealousy avatar. Who did you create?

Now… go become them. 😉

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Find one thing that brings you joy today.