The Messy Middle

I sometimes lead a values activity with my students where I ask them to reflect on both a personal and a professional peak experience.

The exact prompt I give them is:

Think of one personal peak experience and write why it was an important event or time in your life. Think of one professional peak experience and write why it was an important event or time in your life.

Now, I invite you to take it for a spin. Identify your own personal and professional peak.

But what is a true peak experience?

Peak experiences were first described by psychologist Abraham Maslow (yes, the same Maslow behind the famous Hierarchy of Needs) as intense, deeply meaningful moments of transcendence and fulfillment. They go beyond simple pleasure and can be described as moments when we feel so emotionally moved and joyful that we are swept into a genuine state of awe (Levine, 2021).

According to Neurolaunch (2024), the key characteristics of peak experience include:

1. Intense positive emotions

2. A sense of unity or oneness with the world

3. Heightened awareness and perception

4. A feeling of timelessness or being “outside” of time

5. A sense of profound meaning or significance

6. Transcendence of the self

Catalysts for a peak life experience often include encounters with nature and beauty (think a breathtaking sunset or the Northern Lights), artistic or creative pursuits, deep interpersonal relationships and love, athletic or physical achievements, and intellectual or scientific discoveries (Neurolaunch Editorial Team, 2024).

As you might imagine, Maslow’s definition of a peak experience may be harder to come by. But if the personal or professional high you just reflected on meets the criteria for a beyond-pleasure moment, then you’ve had the privilege of experiencing one.

But I'm not here today to talk about the peaks, because, as I just mentioned, those moments are wonderful, awe-inspiring, and transcendent, but oh-so-rare. I am here to talk about the messy middle.

So, what is the messy middle?

I was first introduced to the term messy middle as an entrepreneurial concept in the book The Messy Middle by best-selling author, entrepreneur, and Chief Product Officer at Adobe, Scott Belsky.

On the EntreLeadership podcast (which is what made my notes app), Scott said:

“The funny thing is this is that we’re not our best selves at either the lows or the highs.

At these lows we tend to make decisions out of fear, we tend to get lost, you know, and then at those highs we tend to falsely attribute the things that we did to the things that work. And so whether we’re at the low or the high there are a lot of things that we need to think about in terms of how to endure those tough moments and how to optimize everything that works, and you know that to me is the messy middle in a nutshell and I thought we needed to talk more about it.”

This quote was originally in reference to entrepreneurial ventures, but I believe the concept of the messy middle applies to nearly every experience in our lives.

Think about the month of February. How many true highs and lows did you experience? Maybe a few. Maybe one. Maybe none. Now ask yourself, how much time did you spend in the messy middle?

I can admit with confidence that ever since I defended my dissertation in December, I’ve been right here, existing in the messy middle.

So why don’t we talk more about this part of life? I am a cheerleader for goal setting, a self-admitted overachiever, and a devoted manifester. But when we inevitably reach the high, don’t we find ourselves right back here again?

In the messy middle.

I would argue that if we spent more time celebrating the messy middle, we might find deeper, more sustainable fulfillment. The messy middle holds so much. It’s where we savor simple pleasures, where we play, where we fail and learn, charge up for the highs, prepare for the lows, evolve, and keep moving forward.

It’s a state of motion.

It’s raw.

So I invite you to revisit your personal or professional peak experience. Now, reflect. What treasures did you discover in the messy middle?

Those treasures are the real gems.

Don't be afraid to get a little messy.

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Find something that brings you joy today.