How Many of Your “Shoulds” Are Actually Things You Want?

I grew up in a bagel-and-doughnut household.

One of my fondest memories is waking up before the sun with my dad, jumping in the car, and heading to the local bakery on a Sunday morning to get the freshest half-dozen to bring back to our family. I can almost smell the toasted bagel and the fresh newspaper my dad leafed through next to me as I write this.

As time passed, I went to college, moved out, and acquired a few dietary restrictions. Somewhere along the way, I stopped eating bagels for breakfast. I replaced the warm, toasted bread with a more protein-rich option, usually Greek yogurt or eggs.

Eventually, my social media feed convinced me that I should commit to Greek yogurt with fruit. It was high in protein, the fruit added fiber, and it would save me time in the morning.

Great. Decision made!

I ate that same breakfast, with the occasional seasonal fruit switch-up, for the next 18 months.

Then, I stumbled upon a podcast featuring Dr. Todd Rose that made me reconsider my day-to-day decisions.

Dr. Rose said, “If you care about living a good life, authenticity is everything.”

He explained that authenticity doesn't mean knowing all the facts about yourself. It means acting in accordance with who you believe you are in that moment.

He gave an example about football that resonated with me.

He went on to say something like: Let's say you believe that you love football. So, you buy season tickets for the Patriots and go to the games. That's an authentic decision. You're acting in accordance with something you believe about yourself: I love football.

Then, you go to a few games. You're sitting outside, it's freezing, and you think, Hmmm, maybe I don't actually like football as much as I thought I did.

Again, another authentic decision. You learned something new about yourself and adjusted accordingly.

What wouldn't be authentic is continuing to sit in the freezing cold all winter because you've decided you're a “football person” or because everyone else thinks you should be enjoying the experience.

Around the same time, a content creator I follow shared a monologue about what it means to live a life that feels like yours. She talked about how social media had influenced her to make choices that actually ran counter to her authentic self.

She offered a simple prompt: Write down all of the things that you actually like to do. Not the things you were influenced to like or the things you think you should like, but the things you actually like.

After listening to both, I had a silly thought. Or, what I thought was silly at the time and am now sharing with all of you: I hate eating a cold breakfast.

Wait a minute…why have I been eating yogurt every morning for over a year?

Oh, right…because someone I follow told me that I should because it was the better choice, and I went with it.

That's when I realized: I am not a “morning yogurt person.”

I'm not suggesting that eating Greek yogurt for breakfast is a threat to living an authentic life. But I do think that noticing something as small as my yogurt could be evidence of something bigger.

We are exposed to more information about how other people live their lives than ever before. We see what they eat, when they wake up, how they exercise, what they wear, how they decorate their homes, what books they read, where they travel, and what they believe will make them happier, healthier, and more successful. It's easy to think that we should be doing all of those things too.

Sometimes those ideas make our lives better. But other times, without even realizing it, we can start building our lives around what other people like and what we think we should like.

For the last week, I have been asking myself three questions:

Do I actually like this?

Do I actually like doing this?

Do I actually want this?

Thankfully, I realized that I'm pretty content with most of my day-to-day decisions. Not all of them, but most. My prescribed breakfast choice, however, needed some attention. So, I'll stick with the breakfast example as I make my way to the bigger point: Living authentically doesn't always require a major life change, but it can start with noticing the small ways we've stopped choosing for ourselves.

When I asked myself those three questions, I realized that, yes, I still care about getting enough protein. Yes, fiber matters. And yes, I need an easy breakfast on busy mornings.

But just because someone told me what I should be doing to optimize my morning routine doesn’t mean it’s right for me. At the end of the day, I’m still the same girl who wants to start her morning with a warm, toasty bagel.

So, this week, I'm living a little more authentically and having a gluten-free bagel for breakfast. 😊

If you're still with me, try the exercise yourself.

Write down a list of the things YOU actually like to do. Not what someone told you to like. Not what you think you should like. What do you really like?

If that feels like too big a question, start smaller.

What do you actually want for breakfast tomorrow?

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 Find one thing that brings you joy today.