Do You Have Evidence of Happiness?

One of my students asked me for a book recommendation this week. It was a requirement for one of their classes, and the only real guideline was that it needed to be a personal or professional development book, not an academic textbook.

Sold!

The ask made me think about which book I wish I had read as an undergraduate.

Back then, I thought getting a degree and reaching certain milestones would be the key to happiness. When I graduate, when I get the job, when I accomplish the next thing, then…I’ll be happy!

I know now, only because I lived through it, that I had fallen victim to the arrival fallacy, or the belief that reaching a particular goal will bring lasting happiness or fulfillment, only to discover that the feeling is short-lived and fleeting.

I’m grateful now that I didn’t have all the answers back then. That experience eventually led me to study life satisfaction and fulfillment in my doctoral work and, somewhere along the way, to discover my passion for designing a meaningful life for myself while encouraging others to do the same.

Now, back to the book recommendation.

I recommend The Meaning of Your Life by Arthur C. Brooks. I’m a big fan of Brooks’ work and reference it often in my own. A summary of the book wouldn’t do it justice, but my main takeaway from the read was this: Wanting to be happy and working to be happy are not the same thing.

In a recent interview, Brooks commented that some of the unhappiest people are those who say they want to be happy. Which seems a little backward, right? If they want to be happy, why aren’t they? Well, because, like the “when” version of me, they may be searching for the wrong thing. Brooks suggests that instead of searching for happiness itself, we should pay attention to the evidence of happiness already around us.

He compares it to Thanksgiving dinner. If you say you can’t wait for Thanksgiving dinner because of the smell of the turkey cooking, the smell of the turkey isn’t the dinner; it’s evidence of it. Happiness works the same way. When you’re laughing with someone you love, feeling energized by your work, losing track of time doing something you enjoy, sitting around a table with people you care about, or simply looking forward to tomorrow, those moments are evidence that happiness is already there.

The problem is that we don’t always recognize them that way. Instead, we spend an awful lot of our lives looking ahead to the big thing (the when) we think will finally make us feel happy or satisfied.

If you’re a Hamilton fan, you may already have the lyrics from “Satisfied” playing in your head: “You strike me as a woman who has never been satisfied. You’re like me. I’m never satisfied.”

But, actually, we can be satisfied. The problem is that satisfaction, like happiness, is fleeting. You get the promotion, you make a million dollars, you buy the house, you earn the degree, you finally reach the goal you’ve been working toward. And yes, for a moment, there is satisfaction. But eventually, another thought tends to creep in: I thought this would feel different, Or… okay, what’s next?

That’s exactly why I chose this book for my student. I want all of my students to recognize the evidence of happiness now, rather than getting caught in the cycle of believing happiness is always waiting on the other side of a when.

When I graduate.

When I get the job.

When I make more money.

When I finally figure everything out.

Then... I'll be happy.

When we understand that happiness and satisfaction are fleeting, we can stop desperately reaching for them and start paying attention to all the evidence that they are already showing up in our lives. That realization alone puts a little smirk on my face. See? evidence!

Although this started as a book recommendation for a college student, I don’t think the lesson is limited to 20-somethings. Anyone, at any age, can focus on what they can control and start noticing the evidence of happiness already present in their lives. Once I realized that constantly trying to get somewhere wasn’t the answer, maybe a little later than I’d like to admit, I was finally able to start enjoying where I already am.

What evidence do you have of happiness and satisfaction in your life?

That is the question I’ll be asking my student when they finish the book, and it’s the question I pose to you now.

Happiness isn’t waiting on the other side of when; it’s already here, waiting to be noticed.

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Find one thing that brings you joy today.