Is Seeking Happiness a Trick or a Treat?

What was your favorite Halloween candy as a kid? My favorite was a mini-Twix bar. It was ooey, gooey, super sweet, and had a little crunch. I remember collecting all of the Twix bars after a night of trick-or-treating and preparing for a sugar rush. The first Twix bar rocked; the second Twix bar was always delicious, but with a bite of the third, I started to get that "this is way too sweet" feeling on the roof of my mouth.

The first bite of chocolate, gulp of coffee, or sip of wine is always the best, but a few bites or swallows later, that oh-so-good feeling starts to decline. It is fleeting.

You know what that reminds me of? Happiness.

But what is happiness? Is it the feeling that we get in anticipation of taking a bite of the Twix bar, the sensation of actually tasting the ooey, gooey, super sweetness, or reflecting on the experience afterward?

Well, that is up to you! Happiness is subjective and perceived.

Okay, but what does that really mean? I'll turn to the experts for this one. One way researchers understand happiness is through our emotional experiences, and more specifically, the balance of positive and negative emotions (Kahneman et al., 1999; Deci & Ryan, 2000; Ryan & Deci, 2001). You may have guessed that when positive emotions outweigh negative ones, we tend to perceive ourselves as happier.

This is where it gets tricky.

If part of happiness comes from experiencing positive emotions, then we have to acknowledge something about emotions: They are fleeting.

You may have heard of the 90-second rule, which suggests that our initial physiological response to an emotion lasts approximately 90 seconds (Taylor, 2008). This suggests that if there isn't a retriggering event, emotional responses can come and go like waves.

But when you're sinking your teeth into a third ooey, gooey Twix bar, isn't that a retriggering event? It is! But we get used to stuff.

This is known in psychology as hedonic adaptation, our tendency to get used to things that once made us happy. Researchers have found that people often adapt to changes in their circumstances, meaning that the happiness associated with a positive experience may diminish over time (Diener et al., 2006). That's why the first bite or sip is oh-so-good, and then it gets, well, plainly, less good.

Now, I don't think that seeking happiness is fully a trick; I just think it's tricky.

We can absolutely find ways to be happier in our lives and experience more positive emotions. We can essentially "hack" happiness. If you're interested in that content, I will send you over to happiness expert Dr. Laurie Santos. Her resources and podcast are fabulous.

But here's what I've been thinking about lately: Is experiencing more happy moments the same thing as building a happier life?

Let me explain.

There is a difference between being happy in your life and being happy with your life. This was a concept I originally learned in Dr. Santos' Science of Well-Being course and found fascinating.

Think about it this way. You could spend an entire Sunday doing things you love. For example, this past Sunday, I got to sleep in, grabbed coffee with my husband, took my dog to the park, ordered Red Leaf for dinner, and watched Love Is Blind. I experienced plenty of positive emotions throughout the day.

But does that necessarily mean I'm satisfied with my life as a whole?

Well, it depends.

What about the other six days of the week? What have I experienced in the past? How do I feel about where my life is going?

You see, all of those happy in life moments can contribute to how happy we feel with life. But they're not the whole picture.

Researchers distinguish between emotional well-being, or how we feel as we experience our lives, and life satisfaction, or how we evaluate our lives when we stop to think about them (Kahneman & Deaton, 2010).

In other words, happiness isn't just about how good life feels in the moment; it is also about how good we feel about the life we're living.

So, how do we work toward the "being happy with life" part?

That brings me to a treat (research) that I recently stumbled upon.

Martin (2008) explored what he calls the paradoxes of happiness, including the idea that the more directly we pursue happiness, the more difficult it can become to achieve. His work suggests that rather than treating happiness as something we can acquire (such as through achievement or a purchase), it can be a by-product of pursuing meaningful activities and relationships.

Is the process always going to make us feel the happiest in the moment? No. But the pursuit itself, with all its challenges, can contribute to a broader sense of happiness with life overall.

And this is where it gets extra tricky. Sometimes, the things that make our lives more fulfilling aren't the things that make us happiest in the moment. Am I feeling an abundance of positive emotions when I wake up to fit in a workout before the workday? No. But when I reflect on my commitment to health and longevity, that is satisfying.

So what does this tell me, and why am I sharing it with you?

It is affirming.

I wrote an article titled "Do You Have Evidence of Happiness," in which I discussed the work of Dr. Arthur Brooks and how, instead of focusing on wanting to be happy, we should focus on the evidence we already have in our lives.

Martin's 2008 work complements that by adding that the pursuit itself can lead to living a life you are happy with.

The real trick is believing that happiness is something we'll finally get when we reach a certain destination. But the treat is realizing that happiness can be found in the experiences, relationships, and progress we make along the way.

So finally, back to trick-or-treating.

If we apply this philosophy in the simplest way, the focus shouldn't be solely on the Twix bar. Coming home with a bag full of candy leads to fleeting happiness we eventually adapt to.

Instead, the fun could be in the pursuit of finding the house that is giving out full-size candy bars.

The fun is in the anticipation of ringing the doorbell, the excitement of running from house to house, or laughing with friends.

And if you never find that house?

Well, I'm sure you can think of some evidence of happiness that was collected along the way.

Now that’s sweet.

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Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The "what" and "why" of goal pursuits: Human needs and the self-determination of behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227–268. https://doi.org/10.1207/S15327965PLI1104_01

Diener, E., Lucas, R. E., & Scollon, C. N. (2006). Beyond the hedonic treadmill: Revising the adaptation theory of well-being. American Psychologist, 61(4), 305–314. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.61.4.305

Martin, M. W. (2008). Paradoxes of happiness. Journal of Happiness Studies, 9(2), 171–184. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-007-9056-3

Kahneman, D., Diener, E., & Schwarz, N. (Eds.). (1999). Well-being: The foundations of hedonic psychology. Russell Sage Foundation.

Kahneman, D., & Deaton, A. (2010). High income improves evaluation of life but not emotional well-being. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 107(38), 16489–16493. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1011492107

Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2001). On happiness and human potentials: A review of research on hedonic and eudaimonic well-being. Annual Review of Psychology, 52, 141–166. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.psych.52.1.141

Taylor, J. B. (2021). Whole brain living: The anatomy of choice and the four characters that drive our life. Hay House.

Verduyn, P., & Lavrijsen, S. (2015). Which emotions last longest and why: The role of event importance and rumination. Motivation and Emotion, 39, 119–127. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11031-014-9445-y