Self-Discipline: The Most Boring and Sexiest Skill There Is

Discipline is something you do or don't do.

In the 1926 book The Story of Philosophy, Will Durant Summarized Aristotle's ideas on discipline by writing, "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."

My favorite part of that quote is "We are what we repeatedly do.'

It reminded me of one of my dear friends and mentors. In one-on-one meetings, he would always say, 'Check me, am I telling myself a story?' I came to learn that what he was really asking was, 'Am I actually doing what I say?'

"We are what we repeatedly do."

Ryan Holiday, author of The Daily Stoic, was a recent guest on the Big Deal Podcast with Codie Sanchez. This is what made my notes app:

Discipline is a verb and not a noun.

"You are either doing it or not. What is the black and white line that you're drawing? and then you're on one side of that line or not. That's what discipline is. It's a habit or a practice that you build, not a thing that you are or aren't."

At first, I thought his comment that discipline is a habit or practice that you build and not a thing that you are or aren't, was opposing Aristotle's view that we are what we do. But after a few more sips of coffee, I realized they’re actually saying the same thing from different angles.

Aristotle is describing the outcome. He’s explaining how identity is formed over time through repeated action. Ryan, on the other hand, is describing the mechanism. He’s showing us how to intentionally build that identity through small, consistent practices.

That is why discipline is a verb and not a noun. Discipline isn't a personality trait that we're born with; instead, it's something that we can practice repeatedly and build (through action).

So it's not:

"I am disciplined, so I am going to wake up early and go to the gym."

Instead, it's:

"I wake up early and go to the gym every day; therefore, I am becoming disciplined."

So what does this all mean, and why did it make my Notes App? We (myself very much included) are experts at telling ourselves stories about what we are and what we are not. Or, what we do and what we don't do.

But the proof is in the pudding.

The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy invites readers to pick an area of life where they want to be most successful and then track every behavior that relates to that area of life for 30 days. Think of it as if you have a clipboard and you are consciously observing yourself...keeping track.

I've heard others, although for the life of me I can't remember exactly who and when (sorry), build on this, observe your own life,e self-helpy advice by having people imagine that an alien is observing and recording all of their behaviors. If someone (or in this scenario, the alien) only knew you by what they observed you doing every day, how would they describe who you are?

Again, I don't know where I heard this, but in July of 2025, I wrote how would an alien describe me?

So I invite you to answer for yourself:

If someone only knew you by what they observed you doing every day, how would they describe who you are?

Damn. It's much harder to be an expert storyteller when you tell yourself the story using that reference point. What are you actually doing?

So that brings me back to discipline, the skill that I find to be both boring and sexy.

Boring: You have to do the thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

Sexy: Imagine being the person who does the boring thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again and gets results? That is sexy!

But to get the sexy, confidence-boosting, oh-so-good part of discipline, you have to be committed to the boring part too. It's just the way it is.

When I asked myself the how an alien would describe me question in July of 2025, one of my responses was: Boring.

The alien would watch me go through nearly the same exact routine every single day. Wake up at 4 am, journal, take care of the pup, gym, shower, coffee, to-do-list, breakfast, work, lunch, work, walk, shower, dinner, night time routine, bed. Over and over and over and over and over again.

When I first came to the conclusion that an alien would probably describe me as boring, I was disappointed. When and how did I let myself get so boring? I wrote the first line of a new journal entry more than a few times.

But in all of that boringness (unknown to me at the time), something wonderful was happening. I was becoming disciplined. I was becoming the kind of person who consistently showed up for herself so that I could perform at my best, day in and day out.

The system I built by being oh-so boring became the vehicle that carried me through my dissertation, supported my health and wellness goals, and still left me with enough energy for a social life.

Is it super sexy? No.

But you know what it is? Confidence.

And I feel confident knowing that I have a system of discipline that actually works.

So yeah, let me bring us back to where we started.

Discipline is something you do or don’t do.

And in my opinion, it’s both the most boring and the sexiest skill on the planet.

So if you’re reading this and think an alien would describe your life as boring, cheers to you.

And if you’re feeling inspired to be a little more boring?

That’s hot.

Find one thing that brings you joy today. 🧡