Are you a Stranger?

Self-awareness is a super skill.

I wish I had come up with that myself, but I didn't.

In an article published by Psychology Today, the author describes self-awareness as a "super skill that influences how we show up for ourselves, for our work, and for the people who matter most.” The article further cites research by organizational psychologist Dr. Tasha Eurich, which reports that although 95% of people think they are self-aware, only about 10–15% truly are (Eurich, 2018).

Hmmm.. that feels like a gap between perception and reality to me. But why?

I don't have the answer, but I do have a hunch...

Writer Bruce Kasanoff confirmed my hunch in an article in which he quoted former Weave CEO Brandon Rodman, who wrote: It doesn’t matter if you think you are aggressive, it matters if others do."  He goes on to explain that self-awareness is not about how you perceive yourself, but rather how others perceive you.

But how often do we actually ask others how they perceive us?

Most likely, not often enough. Why? (I'm speaking for myself here) because if the answer doesn’t align with our own self-perception, it could hurt. For example, I would describe myself as someone with a positive attitude...but if I asked my husband, my mom, my sister-in-law, a handful of colleagues, and my students to describe me, and that didn’t come up, or worse, an opposite descriptor emerged, that would sting. Ouch.

But it doesn’t have to be painful. When we see feedback as data, not the end-all, be-all of who we are or aren’t, we get to walk into the personal-development gym and practice self-awareness, rep by rep.

Are you up for a challenge? Describe yourself in three words. Write them down. Now, ask three other people to describe you in three words. Do their words match yours?

If so, fabulous.

If not, fabulous.

Regardless of the outcome, you're flexing your self-awareness muscle. Will you be a little sore if the answers aren't what you expected? Sure. But that means your muscle is growing.

Author Ryan Holiday recently said:

"We tend to chase knowledge. You know, we want to learn about all these facts in the world. We want to learn about these systems, this history, how physics works, how the universe works. And then, yeah, we're strangers to ourselves. I've met a lot of smart people. I would say I've met many fewer people with what we would call self-awareness, right?"

Why do we spend more time chasing knowledge about everything and everyone else, but ourselves? In the wise words of Socrates, "To Know Thyself is the Beginning of Wisdom." So wouldn't it be wise to spend more of our time getting to know ourselves first?

Wise? Yes.

Scary? Yes.

Ryan goes on to say that for some of us, self-awareness comes from things like personal experiences, reading, therapy, or feedback from close friends. All of the above, depending on your willingness to explore your psyche, can be scary.

But, if there's one person in this world we're stuck with, it's ourselves. So maybe, just maybe, it's worth it to try.

Are you a stranger to yourself?

Don't be.

Find one thing that brings you joy today.